US healthcare at its finest?...I hope not!

It's hella early on Sunday morning...I woke up at 3:00 AM and I'm still awake...seems to be my pattern lately.  Wake up at 3:00 AM, hop online, become freakishly tired by 5:00 AM...go back to sleep and...you guessed it...not be able to wake up when the alarm goes off.  I guess I just have too much on my mind these days.  But, who doesn't?  The world just seems to be going to hell in a hand basket...today there was what looked like a massacre to me in Arizona.  A Congresswoman was shot point blank in the head and numerous others were shot and/or killed as well.  What kind of world do we live in?

The last time I posted, my mother had been taken to the hospital from the nursing home with pneumonia.  Now, mind you, this was based upon a physical exam by HER doctor and a review of chest X-rays taken at the nursing home.  The hospital started her on oxygen and IV antibiotics.  Based upon review of their own X-rays, they confirmed pneumonia.  After 3 days, they were perplexed that she was not responding to the antibiotics...Hmmm...let's see...how about we run some blood work?  I mean, we wouldn't want to rush anything...Yeah...after 3 days, let's run some blood work for sure...WOW...what's this???  Looks like some sort of infection...Hmmmm...let's do a urinalysis...UH OH....she has a raging urinary tract infection....let's look at those X-rays again...well, shoot...what were we thinking???  She doesn't have pneumonia.  She has a urinary tract infection.  

So...after 4 days in the hospital and being given IV antibiotics focused on clearing up pneumonia, my mother was sent back to the nursing home with a urinary tract infection.  I am clearly not a physician but...how do you confuse a urinary tract infection with pneumonia, especially after viewing two different sets of X-rays?  Wouldn't you think somebody would've figured it out before 4 days of being in the hospital on potent drugs...the wrong potent drugs for the infection she REALLY has?  Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful it's not pneumonia but this just does not appear to be healthcare at its finest.

*Sigh...*

My first ever gift from a boy...

Today I experienced one of those "Awww" moments that take you way back into your past...one that I will remember forever.  I've been fairly active on Facebook for quite some time but it has only been recently that I've reconnected with quite a few friends from elementary and high school.  It has been such a surprisingly warm hearted experience to hear from these people that are forever 6-year olds in my mind but, in reality, of course they are now adults.  To see these 6-year olds fast forward into their 40's has been amazing and shocking to my little brain.

Probably the most endearing conversation happened today...I heard from the first little boy that ever did anything nice for me...just because he wanted to...when we were in the 1st grade, knowing that jump rope was the rage on the playground, he gave me my very own jump rope as a Christmas gift.  I will never forget how happy and yet embarrassed I was...I didn't really know what to say or do.  It was so sweet and kind...I will simply never forget it.

The one constant question I've received from every single one of these school friends has been, "How's your mom?"  My mom was a very active 'Homeroom Mother"...she somehow made it to every single school holiday party (even though she never learned to drive and we lived over 5 miles away from the school)...showing up with cupcakes and smiles.  She was the 4-H Leader and was a big part of my schoolmates lives from 1st to 6th grade.  They all remember her and loved her...and they all are so sad to hear of her decline.  So am I...I miss that Jo Ann...as a kid, I was always so proud of her...and I still am.

Love you, mom.  I'll always remember you the way you were when I was in 1st grade...the best Homeroom Mother ever.

All the best,
BJ

Ball

Today's comic relief from my mom...

"I feel about as useful as a ball in tall weeds."

Think about that one for a minute...

Jit

So, today was a rough day for my mother...her hallucinations are just flat out almost unbearable.  The paint on the walls of her room seem to change colors right before her eyes.  She sees writing on the walls...always mean things being written about her...how stupid she is, how ugly she is and how she is so worthless that "they" are going to throw her out on the street at any time.  She is now convinced that my dad has come to live with me in Virginia.  This makes her incredibly sad and angry at both my dad and me.

One very interesting development...she has developed some comic relief...in a very serious tone, with a very worried look on her face, she whispered to us:

MOM:    Did you hear about the jitterbug?
DAD:     What?
MOM:   Did you hear about the jitterbug???!
DAD:     Honey, what are you talking about?
MOM:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE JITTERBUG?
DAD:     (Realizing he needed to play along...)  No, I didn't hear about the jitterbug.  What did you hear about him?
MOM:   He forgot to jit.

She then proceeded to laugh a glorious deep belly laugh...bless her heart.

The blessed phone call...

So...I finally heard from my mother's doctor.  He did not give me the opportunity to explain why I wanted him to call.  The phone rang, I answered "hello" and here's how the conversation went:

Me:  Hello

Dr. X:  This is Dr. X.

Me:  Doctor, thank you so much for calling.  We...

Dr. X:  (interrupts) Your mother has never accepted that she will forever be in a nursing home.  She is unhappy.  There is nothing I can do for her.

Me:  But Doctor, we're worried she is drifting back into a catatonic state.  She just lays there, rigid, with a fixed stare.  She cannot interact with us.  She cannot communicate at all.

Dr. X:  Oh.

Me:  We are wondering if she might need another round of Electroshock Therapy (ECT).

Dr. X:  Well, I guess I need to go see her...(NO FREAKIN' SHIT, SHERLOCK!)

Me:  Uhm, well, yes.  Plus, we need to think through this...is this the right thing to do for an 81 year old woman.  She is spiraling downward to a place where I'm afraid we'll never get her back.  The doctor that treated her last year said she would need periodic ECT to maintain her mental clarity.  But is it the right thing to do.

Dr. X:  I will visit her sometime this week. (hangs up the phone)

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the American healthcare system at it's finest.  When you are elderly, we just put you in a nursing home where you are out of sight and out of mind.

Tomorrow I will tell you about my mother's first experience with ECT in 1955 after just giving birth....this was the first of many times my mother fell through the cracks.

Slipping away

Today it became very evident that my mother is slowly but surely slipping even further away from us.  She has been almost completely unreachable for the entire week...almost unresponsive.  I'm trying to reach her doctor but haven't been able to get him to call me back.

I hear the sense of loss in my dad's voice.  He's watching his best friend disappear.  I feel the dread creeping into my heart...the dread of knowing she is going back into a catatonic state.  I wish we could understand it.  She is frozen...a fixed stare with her mouth wide open...unable to speak, unable to move...yet she hears everything, understands everything...she's simply frozen...cannot communicate out but takes everything in.

Life is just flat out cruel.

Received a call from my dad last night that the nursing home my mother is in is currently having a bad outbreak of an upper respiratory infection.  My mom came down with it on Sunday and is pretty sick.  She is frightened by all of the staff coming in and out of the room with masks and gloves on.  Her paranoia is in overdrive and she is afraid.

How is it possible that we are at this place in my parent's lives...I want to shout...scream...MY MOM IS IN A NURSING HOME, GODDAMN IT!  Please let us wake up from this.  There are worse things in life.  But...her life has been so hard.  So has my dad's.  Why do her last days have to be so difficult.  It is so sad to think of her being afraid.  We cannot reason with her...my prayer is that she will be given some peace...please, dear God, give my mother and dad both peace.

Jo Ann

Where do I start...she's my mom.  Life has been hard for her from the beginning...she was born in the middle of the depression in a West Virginia coal camp...number 8 of 9 kids.  When I compare her to children today, I swear I just get mad...mad about all the things she never had...love, compassion, encouragement, opportunity...and just the simple joy of being a kid.


Her mother, Goldie, suffered from what today would probably be diagnosed as severe clinical depression.  To say I despised this woman is an understatement.   I know I should pity her and be understanding of her mental illness...I guess I just have a hard time giving her something she never gave my mother.  Out of all of her 9 children she beat one - my mother.  For this, I will never be able to forgive.


Her dad, Oather, was a coal miner that worked hard his entire life in the deep pits of the mines.  His existence was a sad one...except for a bit of "drink" on pay day and the joy he found in his children.  He had very little joy, but he did love my mother.  He tried to protect her from the wrath of Goldie.  He brought joy to her life.  I never had the gift of meeting him.  He died one month before I was born.  But I have heard so many stories...happy stories...about "Poppy".  And I've had the most realistic dreams you can imagine about the "grandpa" I never met.  I thank God for him.  He gave my mother a glimpse into the fact that she could be loved and cherished.  Without him, I'm not sure what would've become of her.


There were evenings my mother went to bed wounded and hungry, not enough money for everyone to eat...wounded physically and mentally after being told she was ugly and stupid...why can't you just be like your sisters?  Dear old Goldie is lucky she wasn't raising her children in today's world.  She would, hopefully, have landed herself in jail for child abuse and neglect.  I guess my mom was not lucky enough to be born today.


Yes, life was hard and was destined to get much harder for Jo Ann.