Saturday, October 23, 2010


October 15, 2010
So, on  Thursday, my dad closed the sale of the home he and my mom shared for 58 years.  It was a modest, tiny little house...less than 1000 square was always cluttered and messy.  But it was home.  For years I focused on how much I hated that place.  But it has hit me hard to no longer have it as my home.

Oh, we have dad's new house.  It's a cute little house in the neighborhood he grew up in.  It's not "home" in my mind, though..."home" for me was always where mom and dad were.  My mom is now in a nursing home, slowly losing her mind.  They aren't together and never will be again.  So, there really isn't a home for us anymore.

When I think back over the past year and how much we have gone through as a family...that awful night my mother in her impaired thinking downed a handful of meds, literally not aware of what she was doing...for all she knew, she was making breakfast or taking a my dad caught her in the nick of time and rushed her to the emergency she fought him...hit him, railed at him with he, all by himself, struggled to know what to do.  With his sheer strength he willed her into the car and got her to the hospital as her heart began to react to the awful cocktail of meds and she was rushed into Cardiac ICU...little did any of us know that would be the last time they would be never made it back home.  And, dad, realizing the reality of the situation, succumbed to my pleas for him to move closer into town.

I am very thankful at how quickly we sold the house.  It was much quicker than I ever imagined.  But I guess I just wasn't ready to say goodbye...I am just not ready for us to be at this phase of our lives.  If only I had some control in rolling back the clock and slowing down time...but I don't.

I just hope that I can somehow learn to handle this with the grace and class that my dad has shown throughout this painful experience.  I'm not there yet...but I'm continuing to try.

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