Love this!

Photo courtesy of The Idea Room

One thing I've never shared is that I am an avid blog reader...oh, I have over 400 blogs that I read through DAILY!  The topics range from crafts, Hollywood gossip, knitting, cooking, decorating...yada yada yada!

I just stumbled upon this cool idea and wanted to share it in an effort to keep my last sad, depressing post from being such a downer...  :-)

First of all, I love this blog...such cool ideas...AND...I love these "reindeer pops"...they are so cute and look far more complicated to make...I hope to whip up a batch of these!  Hope you enjoy!

I'll do it later...

Image courtesy of Cate Anevski

Wow...what a busy day...let's just say I certainly would be happy if I had a buck for every leaf I have raked, blown, bagged and/or cursed.  Lord have mercy...I am tired!  But...my yard is starting to look good again...clean and polished.  It's almost like wiping the slate clean...

That's sort of how I'm feeling these days...I want to wipe the slate clean...start over...and redo everything in my life from my job, relationships, to my house and even how I organize my god-awful closet.  But even though I want to just start the heck over...I simply  can't seem to do it...I look at everything that needs to be done and the words "I'll do it later, tomorrow, next week" come into my head...I think I'm depressed because this is just not like me.  I'm a doer...just get up and get 'er done.  But I can't seem to do anything now and when I do get myself in motion, I just flat out screw up everything...sigh...

The logical part of me knows that I should go to the doctor and get on an antidepressant...I mean...the holidays are depressing enough, but add on top of it everything going on with my family right now, I'm doomed for one long depressive episode.  But...I'm so hesitant...I can't even get myself motivated to go see a doctor.  How ridiculous is this? 

On a different note, my dad called me while visiting my mom today so I could talk with my mother...it has been a couple of weeks since she had been able to talk.  It was so hard to have that conversation...well, it wasn't really a conversation.  She didn't make one bit of sense...at all.  She went on and on about birds in pictures and how her bed is hooked up to something that allows her to hear "their" conversations about her and how they are going to kick her out of the nursing home.  Oh, and some guy had a black eye because he was telling her the truth about all that is going on...sigh...

I'm left with a feeling of being overwhelmed...simply unable to cope with it all.  I'm stuck...stuck in a vicious cycle of immobility and depression.  What is the answer?   If you have any ideas, please let me know...I could use some suggestions as to how to break the vicious cycle of funk I'm in.

Thinking...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this blog...I really don't want it to be such a downer.  I guess the true reality is that there's no happy ending to this diary.  My mother is physically in a nursing home but she has been gone from us mentally for many years.  She will die in this nursing home and my dad will live alone for his remaining years.  But I don't want sadness and loss to be the focus of this diary.

I want to make sure that I capture not only this journey we are on, but I also hope to remember the times we've shared in the past...good and bad.  I guess I really want to celebrate Bob & Jo Ann's life, recognize how hard they have worked and how hard their lives have been.

There's nothing really new to report...my mom continues to slip away...ever so quietly...a little each day.  She is alert and able to speak but...she rarely makes any sense.  God love her.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Christmas and how much we all loved it when I was a kid...memories have been simmering that I haven't thought of in years...like the year my mom put up a silver tinsel tree instead of a real tree...how utterly mortified I was...I was 5 years old and felt as though Christmas had been stolen from us.

I've also uncovered a ton of old old OLD photos that I hope to share.  I'll be scanning them and including them in posts over the next few weeks.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. And...I hope you will continue to read this blog.  I promise to not be a Debbie Downer...it really is true that getting older is not for the faint of heart...but I promise to share the good, funny, entertaining, (hopefully) enlightening with the the sad.

All the best,
BJ

I know...

Okay, I know it's just now Thanksgiving Day but...I am trying SO hard to be in the holiday spirit...thought I should go ahead and update the blog while I was still in the mood...Happy Holidays everyone!

Thankful

Photo by MarcBerrong on Flickr

Things I'm thankful for...

• My mom
• My dad
• The childhood my parents gave me...it was hard...but chocked full of life lessons
• My home
• My dad's mom and dad (Mom-Mom & Papa)
• My job...
• My health
• My penchant for all things crafty
• My mom's laughter
• All the times I've been able to rescue an animal (wild or domesticated) in danger or need
• Having enough money to pay my bills
• My sweet little cat family
• My creative brain
• The ability to use my hands
• The fact that I finally got my new glasses...vision is totally underrated...
• All the things Mom-Mom taught me...knitting, crafting, reading, decorating...
• The summers spent in the garden with my mom
• Being safe
• Being warm
• Having a place to go
• Being alone but not being lonely
• My desire to do some good in this effed up world
• My cell phone
• Flowers
• Rainy days
• Snow storms...(please let us have some again this winter!)
• Sunny days
• All the times my mom read me a bedtime story
• Purry sounds

Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo courtesy of Hopeisalot on Flickr

Happy Thanksgiving!  I know it has been a while since I have posted...life has just gotten in the way.  Will post an update soon!

All the best for a lovely holiday!

BJ

Ball

Today's comic relief from my mom...

"I feel about as useful as a ball in tall weeds."

Think about that one for a minute...

Jit

So, today was a rough day for my mother...her hallucinations are just flat out almost unbearable.  The paint on the walls of her room seem to change colors right before her eyes.  She sees writing on the walls...always mean things being written about her...how stupid she is, how ugly she is and how she is so worthless that "they" are going to throw her out on the street at any time.  She is now convinced that my dad has come to live with me in Virginia.  This makes her incredibly sad and angry at both my dad and me.

One very interesting development...she has developed some comic relief...in a very serious tone, with a very worried look on her face, she whispered to us:

MOM:    Did you hear about the jitterbug?
DAD:     What?
MOM:   Did you hear about the jitterbug???!
DAD:     Honey, what are you talking about?
MOM:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE JITTERBUG?
DAD:     (Realizing he needed to play along...)  No, I didn't hear about the jitterbug.  What did you hear about him?
MOM:   He forgot to jit.

She then proceeded to laugh a glorious deep belly laugh...bless her heart.