Saturday, November 27, 2010

I'll do it later...

Image courtesy of Cate Anevski


Wow...what a busy day...let's just say I certainly would be happy if I had a buck for every leaf I have raked, blown, bagged and/or cursed.  Lord have mercy...I am tired!  But...my yard is starting to look good again...clean and polished.  It's almost like wiping the slate clean...

That's sort of how I'm feeling these days...I want to wipe the slate clean...start over...and redo everything in my life from my job, relationships, to my house and even how I organize my god-awful closet.  But even though I want to just start the heck over...I simply  can't seem to do it...I look at everything that needs to be done and the words "I'll do it later, tomorrow, next week" come into my head...I think I'm depressed because this is just not like me.  I'm a doer...just get up and get 'er done.  But I can't seem to do anything now and when I do get myself in motion, I just flat out screw up everything...sigh...

The logical part of me knows that I should go to the doctor and get on an antidepressant...I mean...the holidays are depressing enough, but add on top of it everything going on with my family right now, I'm doomed for one long depressive episode.  But...I'm so hesitant...I can't even get myself motivated to go see a doctor.  How ridiculous is this? 


On a different note, my dad called me while visiting my mom today so I could talk with my mother...it has been a couple of weeks since she had been able to talk.  It was so hard to have that conversation...well, it wasn't really a conversation.  She didn't make one bit of sense...at all.  She went on and on about birds in pictures and how her bed is hooked up to something that allows her to hear "their" conversations about her and how they are going to kick her out of the nursing home.  Oh, and some guy had a black eye because he was telling her the truth about all that is going on...sigh...

I'm left with a feeling of being overwhelmed...simply unable to cope with it all.  I'm stuck...stuck in a vicious cycle of immobility and depression.  What is the answer?   If you have any ideas, please let me know...I could use some suggestions as to how to break the vicious cycle of funk I'm in.

1 comment:

LaurieLeed said...

I don't know if I have any good advice on getting out of a funk. But I will say with me I did go and get a antidepressant to help me through this time with step-son so sick. We have brought in Hospice which is a great relief & help. I really enjoy your blog because you are real in how you are handling things & I understand what you are going throuugh. I think you should be Proud of yourself your are hanging in there!
Prayers to You & Yours!